Time to Come Clean MAN!

 I wrote this blog to stop the political fanatics from spreading propaganda, as they are making up false rumours that I am gay or once was gay, which I not and never was.  Read this yourself and do not have someone else who has read it tell you what happened.  If you can't read, have someone read it.  People of the world, I am a 39 years old and am an okay guy, as I live by a core value system which exhales conservative values, liberal values, good manners, in conventional circumstance, respect for jurisprudence, my elders, society, community, women, I have an open mind, I have such a good mind, which I did not know until the four British Politicians from each party and the Secretary of State of the USA found it to be an issue of international crisis, I also know how to cook spaghetti bolognaise.  When people view me, they think that when I was a child, I was a shorter and a little version of who I am now.  This is so far from the truth, as a child I was quite frankly an idiot. 

If I was to behave in that way today, it would not be so bad, but when young being tough is very important.  I was the smallest boy in my school and although I would fight I would usually loose.  My friends would sometimes join in, as they were the cool group at school.  Though I hung with them, I wasn’t that cool because I had grown up in a sheltered life, with not much association with my age group.  I was mocked and treated like an inferior person by both peers and teachers, who would openly rebuke me in school assembly, to the giggles of the other pupils.  I hated school and has I lived in the Buckinghamshire sleepy town of High Wycombe, when I played truant there were not many places to go. 

Had I experienced the normal stages of puberty among my age group, I would have known a more civilised form of truant than walking around woodland, fields, soaked drenched footwear, whilst looking for adventure along streams of water and digging fields looking for buried treasure.  School was the only place that I socialised with my age group, so we would talk of rap music and his sexual exploits and not do any studies.  I had a very primitive mind, which was approximately six years younger than myself.  I was in the special needs class at school, with students who found it challenging to speak English, who were mainly from Pakistan, Bangladesh and a few from India. 

When exams came along, it was a shock to me, has I did not know.  The only thing I was good at was art, and I painted a portrait of a lady which my friend said was really good, when the teacher told me that it was exam day.  I did not care I had ambitions of being a mechanic, which did not need the gift of intellectual thought and wisdom.  So I thought until I was not accepted at the local college for not passing the really easy entrance test.  I will not talk of my home life, has these issues were resolved amicably in my teens.  I rather to live in the now and focus on tomorrow, instead of living in the past and being bitter.

When I was kicked out into the night at the age of sixteen, I was a ten year old brain in a sixteen year old mind, in the big bad world alone.  It was only High Wycombe, though to me that was bigger than California which is probably bigger than England.  I slept in a cold shed and smoked myself out by lighting a fire in it to keep warm.  One of my friends, who was eleven with a liberal mother, allowed me to stay in his home for a few days.  This was until his mother objected that her son was no longer going to school.  When I was taken by someone, somewhere it was deemed that I was vulnerable and it was not safe for me to have no abode.  I was thus taken to a children’s home in Chesham, which I really enjoyed has they cooked nice chips and other things.  I only stayed there for two weeks, when I ended up in a bedsit.

I had no life skills, I tried to cook a meal in a very crazy way, by trying to boil a tin of corn beef in a pot of water.  This was seen by an older resident, who was a very good cook and tried to take me under his wing.  He seemed to have a form of behaviour which was flamboyant, though I was not aware of it then, and women would not visit him.  I did not understand grown up behaviour, so thought of him as a very useful friend, when he cooked me delicious meals like soup when I had the flu, he would give me money which would allow me to buy confectionery and other useful products and services.  I would go to the shops for him and buy Chinese takeaways, which I had only eaten once in my life, when in the Caribbean.  Eating Chinese takeaways and getting much needed money was very useful.

My friends would visit me and bully me, whist using my bedsit has a hangout.  They were super cool and we would go to parties.  Some of them had gone to different schools, in that town and was not used to my primitive mind and behaviour.  I had never had a girlfriend, never had sexual intercourse with a girl and never even had a French kiss, which every other sixteen year old was having.  Girls were not important to me because my puberty had not at that time, deemed it necessary.  I did not need sex even though I was attracted to women like Janet Jackson, whose poster was above my bed, and Nina Cherry.

I did not know that a man could ejaculate, has I thought that only urine could come out of it.  I had never heard of a male masturbating and did not know that it was in anyway sexual.  When the man whose room I socialised in kicked of my bedroom door, one day when he thought I was hiding, I felt that it was just strange grown up behaviour.  I was at the time understanding my own age groups behaviour and learning about cannabis, music, jokes and tales of how super cool London boys were, who were rebellious and fashionable, with high top fades and expensive sports shoes.  I did not understand grownups, so did not even think about why he kicked of my door.  Around that time I lost my virginity to a fifteen year old random girl.  She instigated it and I did not know what I was doing, though I pretended that it was not my first time as some sixteen year old boys do, I was not pleasured by its dryness.  I left her with a bad perception of sex and told my friends that it hurt, to fits of laughter.  So as I was not stimulated by it, and did not give way to pleasures climax, sex just seemed as something you did, not something a person had to do. 

When my friend would sing homophobic songs about the man who cooked my meals, I would laugh.  As I did not have sexual urges at that age, I did not have conception of the awful and abnormal things they did.  I just saw him as a man who cooked delicious meals, who gave me pocket money which allowed me to socialise with my friends.  So when he said he wanted to touch my private genital with his hand for more money than I had ever had in my life which was fifty pounds, I felt I was conning him.  At that time I could have purchased a pair of running shoes with that money.  I had never purchased a pair of running shoes before.  I did not see it as sexual in any way, it was just a hand touching my thing, in a condom.  I mean, I had never ever thought of those kind of people. So to touch the condom which it was in for a grand sum of fifty pounds, seemed like good business. 

Today if a man touched a strand of my hair in a way like that, for a million pound, I would cut his neck.  Then I viewed it has him not touching it, but instead touching the condom.  When he messed about with the condom and I ejaculated in the condom, it was not enjoyable, it was just a weird feeling, I had never experienced or knew existed.  When my friends, who were enjoying sex at school bragged about it, I did not know that a human could ejaculate.  If I knew that I could make that happen myself, I would probably have done it, has my sheltered life gave me much boring times with nothing to do.

To experience the strange feeling, which I did not know was sexual, I tried to do it myself.  I did not use a porn magazine or film, has it was not deemed a sexual act, just something like urinating or sitting on the toilet and unloading.  I was experiencing revolutionary mental change that living alone was advancing, I started to fight my friends and was building a reputation.  Girls were starting to be attracted to me, and I took things too far when a security guard disrespected me in the presence of one.  I masked up my face and slapped his head with a metal bar.  It made the newspaper and has I was young, could not be bailed has I was then homeless, cannot remember why, and living with friends.  I was expelled from the town to a bail hostel in Milton Keynes, where my brother lived with his wife and allowed me to be bailed at their house.  When my brother who was fed up with my teenage attitude, as I was spending too much time with my new friends, I had to move to an Oxford bail hostel, where I had many friends and nearly had a gorgeous girlfriend, had I not smashed a fire extinguisher in the head of a boy who sold my brown leather jacket for heroin.  When I was told that I would have to go to an Oxford prison, I escaped at night for London.

I managed to find my sister’s house in that very big and exciting city, where we lived with her boyfriend and one year old child.  I still jerked of and did not view it as sexual because the only time that I had experience sex, it was dry and not pleasurable.  I was a boy who thought of jerking of in the same way has smoking teabags in paper, which I had previously used has a cigarette substitute.  At the time I had no idea, of all the fun kids experienced in London.  I was living in Northolt and felt that this was London life.  My mind was much more primitive to London kids at the time, so when I used the hand of the child to jerk off, it was a boy thing.  Had I known it was wrong, I would not have done it.  If my sister caught me, she probably would have slapped me, but at the time I never thought it was a sexual act.  If the police had caught me, they would not have arrested me, has they would have seen me has a primitive country boy and told me why it was wrong.  I did this about 2 or 3 times.  My sister knows how to keep a grudge, she now goes on about insults I directed at her when I was an 18 South London boy, with me being the way I am now.  She knows about it now, and she is not angry because she remembers the type of kid I was.

With moving to London, with a primitive mind, when you have never experienced anything before, it allows you to mature there.  Whilst at a hostel on Caledonian Road, in North London, I had sex with a French mixed race girl and it was so good.  From then on, I knew it was something that I wanted to do again and again.  When I moved to South London the bad boys seemed to like me.  I had bad boys as friends in North London, but because I was not from London and my clothes were not as cool as theirs, they would call me country bumpkin.  When I moved to South London, I pretended to be from the Jamaican countryside, so everyone accepted me.  They seemed to find me comical and entertaining.

With me living alone in a flat in big south London, I had to grow to survive.  I needed money for takeaways, as I could not cook, clothes to look cool, weed to smoke, money to go to parties and girls, lots of girls.  If I did not have a girl in my bed, it would be very lonely.  South London black teenage girls were very friendly, sociable, romantic and, many of them, very pretty.  I learned how to chat them up and take them home where I would seduce them with my lips and attempt to have my way with them.  I learned to deceive them by telling them nice things to get into their panties. 

Has I was evolving and my reputation was growing, I immaturely viewed girls as sexual objects of conquest.  I did not think it was cool to have my own girlfriend, or emotions, I wanted different girls, with different booties and tight down low.  Soon my reputation was known for being a womaniser.  They taught me how to have sex with them and I taught them that I was a gallis (womaniser) with many different girls.  As I was then a street kid, I was always pulling girls.  As I was young I would chat up young girls of my age, as this was the early nineties mobile phones were held by only a few, has most girls still lived at home with their parents, the easiest option was to either give me their phone number, meet them somewhere, (I was sometimes stood up but it is a numbers game) my favourite was telling them to knock for me where they felt the full force of my irresistible seduction that few could resist.

Then I met reggae artist Dennis Brown’s British daughter, whilst in Milton Keynes, and my attitude towards the opposite sex changed.  I was to have many days of intimacy, with her.  I purchased her a big valentines card and something else, which I cannot remember, and did not get to give it to her because on entry to a dry cleaners on Brixton Hill, to take out my Versace jeans, which were then very fashionable among my peers, Streatham undercover police arrested me for an armed robbery that I had so forgotten about, as I had committed the crime the previous year.  When the Old Bailey gave me a five year sentence, I smiled at the judge with relief, as I had expected so much longer. 

I am not sure now, because my sex life over the last eleven years have been a non-event because of Britain’s politicians being jealous of who I am now, and using my sexual conduct as an object of power and control, by using political persuasion to convince the woman that I have HIV, am a terrorist, a serial killer or woman beater and rapist.  When I became a sexual person in South London, with a high sex drive, I would always attempt to get oral sex from girls.  Most of them would not do this, as it was not encouraged in my afro-Caribbean culture.  When I was successful in getting the girls to perform this act, it never stimulate me in any way.  It did nothing for me, that I did not think of it has a sexual act.  How can something which does not make you feel sexually aroused in anyway be viewed as sex. 

I am very embarrassed about the things written in this text, I deplore such behaviour.  Whilst serving the five year prison sentence I was always masturbating.  This is normal behaviour when you cannot have sex with females, as the body reproduces stuff which must be ejected.  In prison there are no women to have sex with, so that is perfectly normal if you have your own cell privacy or if your cell mate goes somewhere else.  If you are accustomed to a very active sex life, as I was, then you need to have sex to function.  It is primary in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  Anyhow, I am ashamed to admit that after three years and five months of jerking off, with me not being stimulated sexually by oral sex, I was transferred to another prison. 

The person on the top bunk started to tell me about being abused when he was younger, I do not enjoy such conversations, as I do not enjoy this writing, but we are in a new prison in the middle of nowhere and I don’t want to sit in silence.  As we were knew to the prison we were always locked in.  I could not jerk of with a man in the cell so with me not thinking of oral has sex has it never did anything for me, and as I did not enjoy it I felt a mouth was a mouth.  When he did that to me that was the most revolting feeling I have ever experienced.  It was horrible.  A mouth is not a mouth, a woman’s mouth is appropriate, but the years of incarceration and not thinking of it has sex has it did nothing for me, the new prison cell and the fact that I could not relieve myself made me make that mistake.  I should have known better.  The feeling I got from it, was the most disgusting in my life.

Finally the last mistake was, having moved into a residential college on the same week I left prison, from the Tulse Hill bail hostel, I was still psychologically and physiologically incarcerated.  I found that I had not lost my womanising skills when I seduced a woman resident there on my first night.  As I had not had a woman for so many years and I was jerking off all the time, my body was not accustomed to the real thing.  Whilst we were naked I couldn’t get it up, so we had a cuddling relationship.  My next women, after she finished with me for having sex with a dirty slag from opposite her room, helped me to advance my sex life.  She was five years older than me with her being I think 29, and sex was good.  Before this Leeds goddess, helped me to free my mind from the years of prison I was at a sauna. 

Before I went to prison I had started to go to the sauna in Balham, and I had nostalgia about how it made me feel refreshed.  When at the residential college in Yorkshire, I would frequent a sauna to reclaim that purpose.  In the sauna I would have conversations with no-nonsense Yorkshire man, at the time there were in the Barnsley town about three black people and I knew one of them and even though she was mixed race, I was the first black person she had ever spoken to.  Good Yorkshire man, do not like girly men, they are accustomed to working down coal pit.  Anyway in the sauna was a man from another town who complemented the way how my body was then.  He said something like, “You seem to have a good physique, would you have sex with some sexy women and I will film it for Russia, and pay you money?”

At the time I was in-between relationships, had not that long ago left prison, without being able to perform on first woman, and I was going through financial hardship which might ruin me at college and return to London with no options but the circles I used to be friends with.  As my friends were all bad, has was I, the person I was would have evolved into a more grown up version of who I was before I went to prison and that would not have been good for anyone.  I am good now though.  So I went to the hotel expecting to have sex with sexy women and earn money to allow me to continue at college.  If they were to be sold in Russia, no one would know me, I was not a very clever person then though college would help me learn a few things and maybe go to university, so I needed money. 

When I arrived at the hotel, there was no sexy women, there was no women at all there was only money, which I needed.  He made an excuse as to why there were no money and said that he will give me the money if I jerked of, that is undignified behaviour and it should not be condoned.  He said that some women get off on it.  As I had not been out of prison for long, where I jerked of for years and I could not perform because of this, jerking off was second nature to me.  So I did what I did for years, for money I desperately needed for college.  This is no good excuse, but I was not accustomed to being out of prison at the time.  I had never done it in front of a man before with a camera, but when I got into it, it is hard to stop.  He then asked if he could do it for me and I let him jerk me off.  Disgusting I agree, I was wearing a condom which is no excuse. 

Everything I explained above, when read you will see that the first things that happened was total innocence and childishness.  The second was many years in prison and the first was just after leaving prison an older person.  When I think of them it is very vivid because in my life they hardly ever happened.  Having had so many girls and women it is hard to remember the experiences because it happened so regularly and naturally.  I forgot about all of this for many years and they do not define who I am.  I have never had feelings for my own sex, never kissed one, never pleasured one and I find gays disgusting and creepy. 

When at college I tried to be more open minded before government became jealous of my mind and tried to control me in that evil way.  I would rather be boiled in oil than gay and have never been gay.  If you analyse what I have written, it is only mainly the last time which I made a stupid choice.  But a hand job you was in the middle of doing yourself, is not like a kiss or up the arse.  That thing in prison, was a mistake because I did not see that has a sexual act and the sixteen year old thing was not my fault has I was like a little child who did not know any better.

I have had so many black women as sexual partners that a stupid mistake after three years and five months in prison and after being released after three years and nine months in prison, surely cannot define me.  A mistake is a mistake, which I have learned from and would never make them again.  If a person is gay, it means they look at a man in a sexual way. I do not.  With the government using their technology in an intrusive way as they do, it is difficult not to have anxiety.  Would you have anxiety if someone could see into your mind, after a long campaign?  Anxiety makes a person view things in the way that they want you to.  Do not thing of a pink sheep, you see it.  If I see a lump of shit, it does not mean I am hungry.

I do apologise if I have sickened you with some of the mistakes, they will never happen again.  Though I have written 4174 words about mistakes which could have used 200 words, they did not happen to me many times.  People change and I am not the pathetic sixteen year old anymore, I could not behave like him if I tried.  When I jerk off these days, I cannot do nothing about it because I have no alternative.  All humans have sexual needs and my needs are for women only to satisfy.  The mistakes I have mentioned in this text has nothing to do with their obsession, has they never knew for many years.   All that this is, is not having  great enough leaders, who are obsessed with the big pictures, but instead having weak leaders who calls in the navy, army and Royal Air Force because, whilst breaking no laws, your blogs are viewed as the real big picture they should be advancing. 

Look at it this way, the fact that I have been offered millions of pounds to be gay, with the threat of being put to death, them hiring a hit man to gauge out my eyes, so I would not be such a strong man with a femme fatale woman of virtue, threats on my family and rape, have been sent to prison and mental asylum for the refusal and attacked a few times over the years.  If I was like that, would I not have been integral to be has I already am and be a wealthy man at the same time?  I would be paid for being myself, which would be good business. 

The fact that I would find it more natural to have sex with a goat, a pig or a sheep, as they have no reason or conscience, defines the type of crazy scientific experiment that I view it to be.  If someone is straight they may accept other peoples choices, but have deplorable views in the issue.  Some might say that it is because of your afro-Caribbean culture, which uses intrinsic protestant Christianity values, has the moral compass to life in the culture.  One of such, is the iconic balance of union of Adam and Eve, these ways were taught during British colonialism and slavery, has it was deemed economically prudent to breed children has livestock, for the toil of the British plantocracy. 

After the union jack was lowered, these values still became part of the church teachings, of the sanctity of marriage and Christian conservatism, has a foundation to the journey to the gates of heaven.  Has religion is so important in the culture, such acts of sodomy are deplored as beastly acts of satanic ethos.  Every culture has principles of morality, which are universal forms of sociological and psychological indoctrination.  Without culture, there is a promotion of values such as narcissism, greed, hate and woeful expressionism.  I find the teachings of heterosexual fundamentalism, taught by subjects of the British empire, to the vulnerable Africans, the only positive thing that the slaves took into emancipation.  I find homosexuality a crude and scientific experiment suited more to the mad scientific laboratory, than the children of god.  As I am British and such acts have since the 1960s, when homosexuals were hung in the gallows for such beastly acts of rebellion to the church as it was viewed then, I discarded my prejudices of them when at college. 

I tried to keep them to a distance but sometimes would engage in a studying assignment.  My woman, told me in a conversation that she hated what they did, not who they are, as she was friends with one of them.  After I stopped being rude to him, I let bygones be bygones, but when my natural sexuality was attacked and an attempt to contort it to the carnal fantasies of Babylon's  scientific laboratory, for the advancement of their wanting of self-esteem, a cause was born that I would not be defeated in, even if my death came from it.  I have thus had to revaluate my neo -liberal attitudes to the sinful carnal acts of abnormal lusting.  If I was lying because of my culture, would I be so honest in this embarrassing text to the people of the world?  Yes I made mistakes as the stupid teenager I was, now they make their mistakes as grown  diplomats, with their revolutionary evolved policy of a sordid red scare.

A must read to understand the rights of man!

The Crimes of Genocide
Look at my personal Website & Repel Tyranny!

 

 

The Woman who I share Chemistry with and is the object of their plot to make our mutual wishes of union a non-event.  They think her to beautiful, too virtuous, too great, too elegant and too black for THEIR view of modern day slave nostalgia.  If I robbed a bank and told the judge that I needed money to buy groceries because I was hungry, this would be emotional, and I would still get 20 + years.  These crimes and sex games which are not indoctrinated under national and international law, has not the validity of compromise or a legal basis of compulsion.  I therefore stick my finger up to the Nazi games, which has no rules and is there to advance meagre self esteem and empower the tyrant.  I have signed no contract to play any game and is therefore not subject to any requirement of perverts or freaks. These barbaric, uncivilised acts of those who are the guardians of the rights of man, incompetent work ethics cannot hold the validity of competence because of emotional issues, this is not an issue of ethnic emotions, this is crimes against humanity, this is an issue of Law!

This is the object of my desire who they think a union would smash world peace, as they think in a very tiny way!